You Feelin' Me? - Thoughts on Our Ability to Understand

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." - Robert McCloskey

"What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?" - Elvis Costello

Did you ever spend ten minutes speaking to someone only to arrive at the realization that while you may have been heard, you were not really understood? There's nothing funny about it. Why does this happen? It often happens because there is a world of difference between hearing and understanding. Hearing is a common physiological faculty among most of the earth's creatures. Man has even designed machines that can hear, but understanding is a higher plane of communication. It takes more than just mapping sound waves. It may seem really fundamental, but many people have trouble with communication that lies somewhere between listening and understanding. Let's take a closer look:

1. Possessing the Desire to Understand
Sometimes you really have to be motivated in order to avail yourself of the full impact of a message. For example: when I was in grade school, I was bored out of my mind most of the time and found it extremely difficult to muster enthusiasm and apply myself to understanding the lecturing of my teachers. Rather than listening intently, I would talk to my neighbor, ponder the design and structure of the overhead lights or work on my doodling skills; anything but paying attention to what was going on up front of the class! By contrast when I went to college, I had a definite goal in mind: getting a good job. This motivated me to understand what my instructors were trying to convey in order to increase my chances of landing a good job.

2. Developing Discernment Beyond the Obvious
Whenever words get spoken, they almost always begin life in the conscious mind as a feeling or an idea. With more complex ideas, expectations and motives can also be applied before they get spoken. It's not always easy to detect all of these things from what someone says, but it is quite often vitally important to discern them if we desire to truly understand. Our awareness of the feelings, motives and expectations behind spoken words is in direct proportion to our understanding of their message. Unless we possess that shared meaning of what the original idea or feeling was, we have not really understood. For any pertinent communication, there are reasons behind the words. Those reasons need to be surfaced and confirmed for understanding to be achieved.

3. Reading Emotional States
Unless a person is a psychopath, they are almost always feeling something, particularly when they speak. Learning to pick up on the emotions that others are feeling from the words they choose, their tone of voice, their gestures and body language takes some practice. Unfortunately, some people tend to really hide their emotions while still others are not even aware of their own emotional states most of the time, much less those of others around them. Conversely, a person may be communicating a particular emotional state without even being aware that they are experiencing it. For example: I once ran into a friend who's house had recently burned to the ground. All his possessions were destroyed. I asked how he was doing and he told me "I'm fine." His eyes however told a very different story. The point to remember is that there is always an emotion to be detected and doing so is one of the keys to understanding.


What to Do?

A. It all starts with our desires: Be intentional and motivated about learning to understand because it can mean the difference between success and failure in many of your relationships and interactions with others in business and community. We do what we want. We spend our time on things we feel are important. Make no mistake, understanding should be chief among those qualities considered important in life.

B. To get better at understanding: practice. Get in the habit of discerning people's emotional states as they speak. In your own mind, think to yourself: this person seems relaxed, sad, happy, eager or frightened, etc. Remember that emotional states may change very quickly and may or may not coincide with their choice of words. Here's a good list of emotional states: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion. Get to know them, rehearse what each might look like. Become familiar with what detectable signs are associated with each.

C. Ask and ye shall receive: Try thinking about the formation of the communication as a process: a. idea or feeling produces b. motive or expectation which results in c. words, tone of voice, gestures, body language. If you don't understand or your having trouble discerning someone's feelings, motives or expectations, try forming a question that will make them restate or further reveal the missing pieces of that process. Be careful to frame questions with the utmost courtesy and convey a sincere desire to understand, otherwise you may find curiosity turning into suspicion or grief into anger.

D. A little reassurance goes a long way: It is a universal truth that everyone wants to be understood. When you respond to what they've said in such a way that it's obvious you know how they feel and what they're motives and expectations are you close the circuit on understanding. This is very empowering in that it helps the person on their way to trusting that you have understood them and they can move on in the conversation.

What about your ability to understand? Have you got it down cold? A good test is to ask those closest to you if they've ever sensed that you didn't really understand something they said. I encourage everyone to get better at understanding, not just listening. It can open doors and build bridges.

Silence is Golden.. or is it?

The old proverb tells us that it's sometimes more valuable to stay silent than to speak. I can see the wisdom in this advice; especially when I think of some of the overly chatty sales people I've met, but clearly it's not always advisable to be quiet either. In fact, in some cases, silence can be very, very bad:

1. A customer asks why they should consider your product over the competitor's offerings.

2. A competitor has warned your client about a major shortcoming of your product.

3. The CEO wants to know what you’re going to do to secure new business next month.

Talking Can be Golden Too
Simply filling the silence with chatter is just as bad if not worse than sitting slack-jawed when asked a question. If you're lucky enough to sit down with a busy business associate be polite and engaging, but don't waste their time with idle chit chat. Be intentional and respect the value of your time together. Make it your goal to have this be the most productive hour they've had all week. If this is sincerely your objective, your responses to their questions will flow much more readily and you will be perceived much more positively.

Preparation is the Key
If you don't know your customer's business, industry, competition and issues along with your own then how can you partner with them for success? Until you have performed exhaustive research in all these areas you would be better off not talking to them. One of the worst things you could do would be to ask them things you could have learned by doing a little research on your own. Busy executives take a dim view of laziness. They will doubt your capabilities and your seriousness.

After you've researched all aspects of your client's business, spend some time anticipating what questions you might be asked and develop good answers in advance. I've participated in some great mock ups that helped with this: ask a colleague to role play with you as the worst case customer to ferret out those hard questions that might be asked and practice responses that will wow them. Even better: have a third colleague critique the exchange. All three of you will learn from the experience.

Consider the Motive Behind the Question
Always think about where the question is coming from before formulating a response. It's ok to pause a moment. It shows you recognize the importance of the question and that you sincerely esteem the person asking the question. Always answer in keeping with the goals of the person asking. If you’re not precisely sure why they are asking, the best response might be to ask another question in return that will clarify what their concern truly is. Always think about where the other person is coming from and look behind the words to what they are trying to accomplish in asking it. This reveals to them that you are serious about partnering with them and that you want what they want too.

Don't Know? Don't Snow!
For the three questions above, it goes without saying, you had better be prepared with some good answers. It's what you were hired for. However if someone does ask a question you are not ready for, just say so! I wouldn't blurt out "I don't know" but sincerely convey your understanding of their concern and that you will get back to them as soon as possible on it. Specify when they should expect that answer and follow through with that commitment. In sales, our credibility is as stake every time we open our mouths. Whatever you do, don't try to spitball or start back pedaling. If it's a serious question it deserves a quality answer. Most clients will respect that you worked hard for them and you may not have all the answers right now, but they will not tolerate a snow job.

Silence may well be golden, but here’s a new parable: In today’s business world, the smart money is on intentional, well prepared interaction with clients.

What Do You Got?

My friend Marty would often visit my workstation, lean back and flash me a capricious grin. I'd say "what do YOU want?" to which he would reply "what do you GOT?"

He was just being facetious of course but I'm not; what about you? What do you got? When was the last time you stopped forging ahead for a few moments to really take stock of your resources? As a result of a recent opportunity, I was prompted to take a long hard look at my own situation and I'm very glad I did. Here's some areas for you to consider during your own resource evaluation:

1. Skills and Abilities
What can you do that might be valuable to someone else? For what activities are you uniquely endowed or qualified?

2. Natural Bent
There are certain aspects of our personalities which make us ideally suited to certain roles. How are you wired? A good personality test can be found here: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes1.htm

3. Networks
The internet is buzzing about social networks nowadays. Interestingly, networks have always been an integral part of life even before the media discovered how cool they are! Who do you know (family, friends, coworkers, past and present) and how can you interact with them to make life even better for both of you?

4. Financial Assets
How much money or property do you have at your disposal? Is it readily available or tied up in investments?

5. Time and Energy
Each of us has 24 hours in a day, but how do we spend that time? What about your energy level? Are there certain times that you have more energy or less? How much sleep do you need? How active are you when you're awake?

6. Education
In addition to formal education, there's gads of training that may or may not result in credentialization. Have you attended a seminar or taught yourself something valuable?

7. Opportunities
In the course of our days we will all have doors open and close. What's before you right now that you could be doing?

8. Intellectual Capital
In 2008, 13,713 patents were issued in the U.S. alone. Our minds are full of ideas; some of them are worth lots!

I'm sure there are many more areas you can think of in terms of resources available to you if you put your mind to it. I recommend writing them down. Perhaps ask others to help as well.

When was the last time you engaged in a full assessment of your resources? If it's been more than a year, I recommend an investment of your time reflecting on what you got. Aside from the positive aspect of potentially making you more thankful for what you have it can also serve to point up opportunities for improvement or desirable things you had forgotten about.

Now that you have a full account of resources, you might decide you need to expand your network or spend less time watching TV or learn a new hobby. Perhaps the opposite will be true: maybe it's time for a vacation or you need to schedule more downtime. Either way, this exercise will help you measure what you got against what you want.

How Healthy Are Your Partnerships?

Fostering healthy partnerships is ancient wisdom. The inherent benefits people can gain from working together in harmony are spoken of in some of the earliest recorded texts. Investing in others has proven to be profoundly important to business and community. Best of all strong partnerships are within the grasp of everyone with a pulse. Here are a handful of reflections on building and maintaining strong partnerships:

1. Where It All Begins
Common goals and interests are often present, but for sure wherever there is a healthy partnership there is always an underlying soul of cooperation and humility that pervades every interaction. This can be seen at the heart of successful partnerships from winning sports teams to great marriages to enduring political accords. Not to say that healthy partners never experience disagreement, but rather that they mutually agree to carve out a space for each other on principle. They set aside their own egos knowing that their partnership is guaranteed to produce more benefit than any effort made by one or the other alone. The attitudes of cooperation and humility are the seeds of true partnership.

2. Mirroring a Partner's Emotions
"Signals Jerry! It's all about signals!" That's what George Castanza told Jerry Seinfeld when trying to help him understand how he and his girlfriend got so confused trying to communicate. Communication is about perceptions after all. More importantly, perceptions cause emotions, emotions create thoughts and thoughts give rise to behaviors (Bender and Tracz). When a person talks, their emotions may not necessarily be uttered in their words, but their emotions are almost always manifest in behavior, facial expressions and body language. By mirroring the same emotions as our partner we communicate to them that we recognize their emotional state and are attuned with it, which gives them the assurance that they have been understood and that they can confidently continue. If they sit, then we should sit. If they relax, we should relax. If they lean forward, well you get the idea.. Mirroring the level of eye contact, the amount of gesturing, and the tone of voice and pace of conversation are all signals to our partner that provide a sense of harmony and validation of their emotions. This helps them feel that they are not wasting their time; that they are truly being heard and respected as a person.

4. Conflict Resolution - "I hate when you do that"
Ouch! I cringe at the number of times I've caught myself saying something like that. Do you know what my partner just heard? "I hate YOU! bla, bla, bla..." Inevitably a partner is going to do or say something we don’t like and they deserve to know about it, but in a constructive manner. The holy grail of communication in great partnerships is greater understanding, not stinging retorts or silent suffering. Here's a better way to handle it: "Can we talk? I know this relationship is important to both of us. Did you know that when you 'x' it made me feel 'Y'? Do you know that I would feel happier if you 'Z' instead? I know you probably didn’t mean to make me feel 'Y' but that's what happened. What are your ideas? This formula avoids judgments on motives; it is not insulting or blaming anyone. It gets to the heart of the matter without creating walls and it solicits constructive feedback. It's about feelings and facts and about working toward success next time, not dwelling on failure this time. It gives the partner a chance to objectively consider how their actions have affected you and describe their own side of it without feeling attacked and going on the defensive.

5. Avoiding 'Good Yup Nope' Syndrome
"If you seek a wise answer, ask a reasonable question."(Goethe) When my children reached high school age, I quickly learned to ask open ended questions if I ever wanted to hear more than "good, yup or nope" from them when they got home from school. Since I was interested in partnering with them and helping them learn to communicate on a deeper level, I had to come up with questions that demanded a more thoughtful response. Example "what was your favorite part of school today?" "What did you like about it?" or "Where did you find things the most challenging?" Here's the key: In each case, the question should start from a thought process of what the partner is thinking about, what's important to them or how they feel about themselves. This is where attunement and mirroring really pay off. Having established a harmony with your partner's emotional state lets them know you are listening and that you care. It also makes it easier to develop questions that matter to them; questions that will put their brains in gear instead of just blurting out one-word answers.

6. Now that we understand each other
How often do we try to fix each other's problems instead of helping each other develop the skills we need to solve our OWN problems? We may have good intentions, but as the old saying goes "give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach him to fish and feed him for a lifetime." Here's an interesting excerpt from a book that describes how the Toyota Company develops strong work teams using the ancient principle of the Japanese sensei:

"The sensei does not do anything but challenge the group and ask tough questions. The sensei often refuses to answer questions when the group wants to know the "right answer." Individuals in the group are expected to be self motivated to improve themselves through this activity and the sensei is a guide and coach for their self improvement." (Liker and Hoseus)

Healthy partnerships are a forum for mutual edification. Like the sensei, we spar with our partners to help them recognize for themselves what weaknesses they may have or to develop the gifts and talents they may possess. We praise, compliment, respectfully criticize. We ask the tough questions and we expect the same in return. We partner not just toward a common goal but for the common good; not just for what we can gain, but for who we can become. As we strengthen each other, our success grows exponentially because we are able to help each other all the more from the stronger more capable position we both find ourselves in.

7. The Golden Bookends
Many of us learned at an early age that it's important to say please and thank you as normal components of human interaction. How much more important is it then to convey an attitude of graciousness and courteousness not only in every sentence we utter, but with our eyes, with the tone of our voice and with our posture within our partnerships? One would think this is common knowledge, but I have heard so many bizarre stories of social discombobulation lately that I'm compelled to mention this principle just in case: sincere respectful refinements may be out of vogue, but they are vitally important to healthy partnerships. Treat your partners with respect; preserve their dignity and you will develop more loyalty and trust in each other.

8. The Bottom Line: Intentional Continuous Improvement
When partners engage each other in a spirit of cooperation and humility, a natural attunement grows between them that opens the door for more thorough communication and vibrant interaction, but that's not enough. The desire to understand can be bountiful and yet bad habits, fears and so much else can still stand in the way of transference. Now that the door is open, it's up to the partners to take steps toward understanding the emotions behind each others thoughts in order to really communicate with each other; to find ways to strengthen each other. Partners need to learn the habit: "Seek first to understand, then to be understood" (Covey). Blame it on TV, computers, culture or what have you but couldn't we all use some help when it comes to communicating more effectively? We get lucky sometimes and get by somehow, but when it comes to such an important thing as partnerships, dare we leave it to chance? Partners who play for keeps owe it to each other to be intentional in the way they communicate; the way they understand each other. They need to continually look for ways to improve communication and provide value to the life of our partners.


8.5 Ok - Your turn. I’d love to hear your feedback. What things have you seen or experienced that have improved or degraded business or personal partnerships?




References:

a. Secrets of Face-to-Face Communication by Peter Urs Bender and Robert A. Tracz - Stoddart Publishing Co.

b. Toyota Culture, The Heart and Soul of the Toyota Way by Jeffrey K. Liker and Michael Hoseus - McGraw Hill Publishing Co.

c. 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey - Simon and Schuster Inc.

Enhancing Intercommunication by Practicing Empathy

A young woman was overcome with grief at the tragic loss of her only child. She mourned and cried with friends and family alike, but comfort could not be found. Finally she consulted an old widow who had suffered the loss not only of her husband but children as well. The wise old woman listened to her tale of woe and then assured her that she knew exactly what to do.

At first the young woman was reluctant, not seeing how the widow's advice could help. She was sent to perform acts of service in the homes of half a dozen others who, unbeknownst to her, had suffered many grievous hardships even worse than her own. As the young woman faithfully made her rounds, she soon began to realize her plight was not unique at all and by far not the worst that could have happened to her. As she offered her assistance and listened to the stories the others told, she began to feel a lightness about her own troublesome burden. Eventually she saw the wisdom of the old widow's advice: as we engage and empathize with others, our own sorrows become less and less. This is what it means to be truly human.

When I first heard this story, I thought "well, that's nice, and if I ever feel down or discouraged, this will be of value," but I have discovered that there is a lot more to empathy than just coping with feelings of loss. Empathy plays a vital role in almost all of our relationships and our intercommunication with others.

Some have confused empathy with sympathy. To have sympathy just means that you feel the same way someone else does. It means that you are naturally in harmony with their current emotional state. In my experience, sympathy seems to be related to my feelings not so much my intellect. Empathy on the other hand means that you understand and identify with another's feelings or motives. At a very early age, most of us find ourselves sympathetic toward those who are hurting or in danger. Empathy however is harder for most to grasp because it is a blend of emotional and intellectual skills. It doesn’t mean that you necessarily feel the same as the other person. It does however mean that you understand what they are feeling and you identify with it.

Communication would be so much simpler were it only a matter of transferring the facts! Instead, human dialog is a complex interaction of thoughts, ideas, motives, emotions and distractions. No wonder we are so often misunderstood! Learning to have empathy is critical to understanding the perspectives of others and appreciating the differences in how people feel about things. Without a good command of these vital elements, we are not communicating, we are just talking at each other.

Perhaps one of the greatest obstacles to practicing empathy is something Stephen R. Covey speaks about in his book "7 Habits of Highly Effective People." He points out that many of us have a bad habit of conversation where instead of listening to understand the other person, we are simply waiting our turn to speak. As such, we often don’t really catch the other person's feelings because we are too busy preparing our response to what they have just said.

As we learn to give someone our full attention and tune in to what is behind what they are saying; (IE: what they are feeling right now and why are they feeling that way) without giving a thought to how we will respond, we will discover a much deeper, richer level of intercommunication is taking place. Then we can truly offer a response that has much greater import to their situation.

One good method to practice empathy is to first try and get totally out of your self - really focus on what the other person is feeling as they speak and try to put yourself in their shoes as much as possible. Then before you say anything else, your response should be to paraphrase what they said to confirm your understanding, for example: “so it seems that you are disappointed with the figures for last month and you feel that we could have done better?" Such a statement not only serves to clarify your understanding of what they think and what they feel, it validates the other person’s feelings and gives your brain time to think about what the appropriate response should be; time to think about what you can say that will help you move closer to your goal, rather than just blurting out what your emotions are about their statement.

Some other supporting queues we can use to help understand a person's emotional state are tone of voice and body language. Many times when people speak, their emotions will force their bodies to provide corresponding physical attributes that help us determine the why behind the what. Look at how they are standing or sitting. Are they speaking fast and frantically or slow and wistfully? Try this fun experiment: stand up and say “dude” in as many ways as you can think of that express different emotional states. It quickly becomes clear that there’s a lot more than just words to hear when a person speaks.

The great thing about empathy in contrast to sympathy is that you don’t necessarily have to share the same feelings as the other person. You simply need to recognize what they are feeling and determine how to respond appropriately to successfully communicate with them on this deeper level. Consider this: sympathy may not necessarily be the appropriate response to a given situation. Empathy on the other hand is always appropriate and is a great means to achieve deeper levels of understanding and communication.

Sales Fail - 9 Great Ways to Lose the Business

One of my most respected business associates always warned: "there's two things you should never talk to clients about.. never discuss politics and never discuss religion." That's great advice from a seasoned thirty year veteran in sales, but it occurs to me that there's also a lot of other ways to screw up a sales relationship with a valued customer. Here's nine things that top my list of illogical and avoidable sales mistakes for your enjoyment and in no particular order. The tragic thing is that these are all lessons from real life experiences!

1. Are You Listening? - A salesperson initiates a visit with a client saying that they are interested in understanding what business they might do together. The client agrees and develops a list of projects that he is thinking of proposing to management for consideration in the next budget meeting. The salesperson shows no interest in the client's ideas or issues. Instead he goes into an hour long presentation about their latest e Commerce platform, which is of no interest to the client at all. As a result, the client loses interest in the company the salesperson represents, even though they have many other products and services that fit the projects he is working on. Evidently, the salesperson is not compensated as well for those products as he is for the spiffy new e Commerce stuff. That's OK though, someone else will sell him what he needs.

2. Whatever it Takes - It's hard to imagine a more desperate sounding thing to say to me than "we will do whatever it takes to get your business". Does that mean you will tell me bald face lies? Does it mean you will kill and eat my dog? Does it mean you will dress up like a ballerina and twirl around in the lobby of my office? I have way too vivid of an imagination to be persuaded by a statement like this! I'll tell you what though, I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you don't know where I live, work, or where I keep my dog. Raise the bar a little and explain what you have already done to get my business.

3. That Old Soft Shoe - A customer visit identifies a competitive situation. The salesperson, having never heard of the competitor, checks them out on-line and then calls the client. "I don't see any fire sales going on there. What makes them better than us?" In so doing, not only does he NOT provide a single compelling reason why his product is superior, he questions the client's judgement and puts him on the defensive. Is it the client's responsibility to provide selling points of the competitor's product? Not only does the client not have a good technical reason to consider this new solution, he is insulted by the treatment of the salesperson and his apparent lack of respect.

4. The Truth Shall Set You Free - The salesperson believes in "relationship selling." He likes to regale his clients with clever anecdotes and war stories from his long and e lustrous career to set them at ease. While this all seems harmless enough, the salesperson keeps using segways like: "true story...", "I have to be honest with you..." or "I'm not going to lie to you...". After a while the customer begins to question why the salesperson has to keep stating that he is now going to tell the truth. Does that mean that previous statements were lies from the pit of hell? Perhaps not, but it creates doubt in the client's mind and undermines the confidence from the salesperson claims as he goes on to "tell the truth" about his products. I like a good story as well as the next person, but do us all a favor - let's get back to why your here, and please choose your segways more wisely.

5. We are the Best! - The presentation is very polished, including wonderful slides of happy people using your product safely and successfully. You assure me that your widgets are the finest available anywhere. I bet you dug deep, maybe even used the old thesaurus to come up with powerful descriptive words to persuade me that your stuff is at the top of the heap, it rocks, no one else can touch it and so on. However, I've still got one problem you have not addressed: I have no proof. I'm not going to lie to you, but I bet there's no one out there willing to tell me there stuff is "Just OK" or even "Pretty Good!" They all claim to be the BEST. If only I had an example or two of why yours is the best, then maybe I might agree with you. As it is you are just like the rest, your the best!.. whatever that means.

6. Has Anything Changed? - We spoke the first time a few months ago. You gave me the run-down on what your selling and how much I need it. I wasn't convinced. Nonetheless, you have been taught to stay in touch with me because, after all, things change. So now I get regular calls and emails from you asking if anything has changed. First of all, yeah, everything is in a constant state of change. Look out your window. Secondly, I don't appreciate having to process your unhelpful weekly calls and emails because I'm still not convinced you can help me. So let me take that back, one thing has NOT changed. You have not learned to call me only when you have something new and compelling to tell me about your product. Instead, you are just ticking me off; getting lower and lower on my list of people I will call when things change. Be sure and write that down in your call log.

7. Me Too, Me Too! - A salesperson shows up for the party a bit late. His company was not included in the original bid, but since they come recommended by a trusted third party, they are given an audience with the customer's decision making team who have already begun evaluating other products. The presentation represents their product as comparable to the rest, but really lacks any substantial differentiators. During the Q&A, the newcomer is questioned by the team regarding certain functionality and features which they have become impressed with in another product. Instead of providing examples of superior design or compelling arguments why his product is the better option, the salesperson returns each volley from the team with "yeah, our product does that too." As a result, he manages to position himself perfectly as yet another commodity with no greater value than the other solution, therefore there's no reason to consider switching horses this late in the game. You have to try harder if your number two.

8. Check Attitudes at the Door - A major customer with whom you have enjoyed a great relationship for years hires your company to write custom code for use on your hardware. It's a small sale, but a strategic one. Specifications are collected, a statement of work is agreed upon and development begins. In a weekly status meeting, the customer's project manager asks your programmer (who has a bit of a "tude" going in) where they should put a particular procedure call in order to keep from stepping on other processes in their application. The programmer is getting frustrated at all the questions and tells the customer contact: "Hey, I just write the code, you can stick it ANY where you want!" Unfortunately, the customer contact is also a gatekeeper. He smiles and seems to dismiss it, but as soon as your in the car, he calls your cell and tells you "don't EVER bring that guy back in here." You are forced to find another programmer and bring him up to speed on the project at greater cost and risk to the time line of the project. Worse yet, it has reflected poorly on a long standing relationship built on trust and cooperation, eroding the customer's confidence in your company for future projects. So much for the strategic value. Supporting team members must have the same goals as the sales team. A little briefing on customer meeting etiquette may be in order as well.

9. Details, Details. - The salesperson shows up an hour late for his first meeting with a new client. Evidently, he assumed that the client is in the same office where he used to go when he used to call on them years ago, when he worked for XYZ widgets. Since he does not have a mobile phone number for the client, he is unable to reach the client to find out the correct address. Times are hard, many companies are facing staff reductions such as replacing receptionists with interactive voice response systems. Unfortunately, while you may be able to leave a voice mail for them this way, these systems aren't usually aware of where a particular employee actually sits. Once the salesperson finally finds the right location, he is so flustered and grovelling for forgiveness that the inconvenient disjointed meeting is a total flop. I bet he gets an address from the client next time, even if he THINKS he knows which office he works out of.

Old Fashioned Integrity Can Be the Best Kind of Marketing

I've witnessed all manner of advertising designed to indelibly imprint a brand into my head - from silly jingles to colourful mascots and even some wise and catchy catch-phrases that worm their way into my subconscious when I least expect it. While I appreciate the creativity and tenacity of these multi million dollar ad campaigns, my all time favorite, and the method most effective on me still is something that the mega chains seem to have all but forgotten about: a dose of good old fashion integrity.

Case in Point: The other day I went to my local small town hardware store for some grass seed. I picked out what I thought seemed a reasonable bag of seed and headed to the checkout. The owner of the store came over and scanned the bag. Noticing the variety I had picked out, he said to me: "you know that you picked up Kentucky Blue Grass?" Yeah, I said, putting on my best grass expert face. (Truth be told, I really had no idea the difference between this and any other type of blue grass..) "Well are you trying to grow grass this year? Because this variety wont survive a frost.." He went on to explain that while fall seeding can work with some other varieties, it's still tricky to manage germination before snow flies and I may be better off to wait until spring for better results. Basically, the man talked me out of a sale.

I shutter to think of the times I've been sold stuff that either I didn't need, or that I would have been better off buying at a later date, but this gentleman decided that it was in his best interest to forego the immediate sale of a bag of seed in order to maintain the best loyalty marketing program to use on a guy like me: integrity.

I learned an unexpected lesson from the owner of that Mom and Pop store that day: Treat your customers with respect and watch out for their best interests. You will earn their trust and they will keep coming back for more. They may even write about you in their blog and give you free advertising!

So next time your in central NH folks, don't forget to check out: Longmeadow Farm & Home Supply, Sanbornville, NH - friendly people, good stuff, integrity and expert advice - no extra charge.